


Sensuous

by schnaf



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: 2010 bebes, I couldn't resist diving into their past again ♥, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-11
Updated: 2020-06-02
Packaged: 2021-02-18 12:47:39
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 14,885
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21761122
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/schnaf/pseuds/schnaf
Summary: Dan and Phil's first joint holiday is a journey through their sensory impressions.
Relationships: Dan Howell/Phil Lester
Comments: 28
Kudos: 37
Collections: Phandom Fic Fests Holiday Exchange 2019





	1. Gustatory Perception

**Author's Note:**

  * For [LetGladnessDwell](https://archiveofourown.org/users/LetGladnessDwell/gifts).



> Dear LetGladnessDwell,
> 
> When I read your prompts the first few times, I just couldn't decide on one of them. Then, when I finally picked one, I was like 'hehe let's see how the other prompts would fit in the story'............. And I couldn't let go of these thoughts. That's why this story consists of seven chapters in total, that's why I used 4 out of 5 prompts. :D
> 
> I hope you like it! ♥
> 
> Greetings from Germany to the literal other side of the world \o/

_The cure for anything is salt water: sweat, tears or the sea._

Being in a relationship, being in love can be so weird sometimes. When Phil just can't stop thinking about Dan, when Phil just can't stop missing Dan... On the one hand, he can't focus on anything because the prevalent thought in his head is how much he misses Dan; on the other hand, everything he lays his eyes on reminds him of Dan.  
(He expected it to get better when they left the crush phase – when he could stop racking his mind on what was going on between them, if they could actually become a couple. But no – now he thinks about his boyfriend all the time.)

Normally, it isn't that bad. He's able to go on with his regular life if Dan isn't by his side (it'd be nicer with Dan by his side, though). But being on a trip with his family makes it worse. There's not a lot of distraction and... It may have been less than a week since he last met Dan (and they're chatting and talking on Skype every single day anyway) but the time he spent with Dan back then... It felt like things were finally falling into place. They went to Manchester and to York so Dan could check out the universities – so Dan could take the first steps towards moving up north.  
His boyfriend living up north, not a three and a half hour's train ride away anymore... Damn, he looks forward to that so much.

Now, they're apart again. And Phil doesn't even know when they'll be able to meet up the next time.

_The cure for anything is salt water: sweat, tears or the sea._

The next time... After Dan had done his research in Manchester, they went back to his home together. And on this train ride, Dan said something so simple yet incredible.

"April marks our half-year-anniversary."

Half a year. It's not that special, is it? Not even a real milestone – after all, you normally start celebrating after the first year in a relationship. Six months... Ridiculous, probably.  
But to Phil, it doesn't feel ridiculous, it doesn't feel 'not that special'. Being in a relationship with Dan for almost six months...

Maybe it's because it feels like... More than that.  
More than six months? Well, that's difficult to say - he's lost the sense of time. After all, they haven't actually been together for six months - the time they spent together was less than six months. But all the effort they had to put into meeting each other makes up for the time they didn't spend with each other. (Also, they were trying to stay in touch even when they weren't able to see each other. Phil guesses he probably spent more time talking to Dan than sleeping in the last six months.)  
More than just the fact that they've been in a relationship for six months now. Because it doesn't feel like... Like they've peaked. Those six months simply feel like the beginning of something big. Well, it's quite easy to calculate - if six months are just the beginning, there's so much ahead of them and it actually feels that way.

Phil isn't used to that feeling. His last shots at relationships... They weren't that successful. And especially now, in hindsight, six months meant that the relationship was almost over.  
Sensing he might have a future with Dan, not having to keep in mind that they might break up soon because that's not a probable happening anymore... Yeah, he really likes that feeling.

Six months. Apart from the fact that he feels like that's just the beginning, he's actually proud of them making it - he actually thinks it's special. It may not look that special to other people but -  
The odds were stacked against them. And they made it nevertheless. That they faced their problems, that being in a long distance relationship hasn't led to 'we need to break up, I need to be with somebody I can see whenever I want' but to what they have today – a trusted relationship that makes them accept the hardships because damn, it might be hard to keep up their relationship, but the alternative would be so much worse.  
Yes, that's something they can be proud of.

_The cure for anything is salt water: sweat, tears or the sea._

Even though he's really proud of them making it through the hard times when they can't be together... It still sucks. His mind wanders off so often, he imagines what it would be like to be with Dan again... But he can't change anything right now, he can't be with Dan right now. Of course, he can call him and he already did that a few times since they arrived on this island but...  
It isn't enough. He wants to hug him, wants to cuddle him, wants to smell him, wants to touch his hair, his cheek, his lips...

His inattentiveness didn't go unnoticed. He didn't want to make his parents wonder or feel bad so he told them right away what the matter was when they asked him the first time. Since then, he tries to participate more (damn, he didn't even realize he spent so much time absent), tries to put aside the thoughts on Dan in order to be a nice son, pleasant company.  
It's not that difficult, not that much of a burden. But sometimes, he just can't do it because he simply misses Dan too much.

He had such a moment just before. And that was when Mum asked him to go on a walk with her. (She probably sensed something. After all, she's good at that stuff, knowing when you need distraction. She didn't say anything about that, though. Just asked him to go to the beach with her.)  
It actually helped. When they walked along the beach, talking nonsense... It's quite nice spending time with his family without being distracted by university - or Dan.  
Well, they talked about Dan, too. But it wasn't about how much Phil missed him. And being able to talk about fun stuff concerning Dan definitively helped raise his spirits, too.

Then, Mum decided to visit the souvenir store located next to the beach. And when they entered the store, Phil discovered the plaques on the wall.

_The cure for anything is salt water: sweat, tears or the sea._

Mum didn't care about them, she kept on walking - currently, she's looking at some picture frames. But Phil...  
Normally, he doesn't care about stuff like that, either. To be honest, most of the sayings on plaques like that sound rather ridiculous to him. But today, he's a sentimental little idiot.

Everything is about Dan when he isn't distracted. And now that Mum isn't distracting him anymore... It seems like even the stupid plates remind him of Dan.  
Luckily, he doesn't get too sappy. Reading sayings like 'every day can be the start of a new life!' may make him think of Dan - but that's not because he's ready to start a new life with Dan right away but rather because he can vividly imagine Dan's snarky remark about people who decorate their house with stuff like that.  
Nevertheless, there are signs that seem quite fitting. One in particular.

_The cure for anything is salt water: sweat, tears or the sea._

Yes, it actually reminds him of their relationship.

Sweat? They need to work so much for their relationship, they need to put so much effort into it. Well, not into the relationship per se, it feels natural, it feels so easy to just be with Dan but... The efforts of seeing each other regularly. All those hours they spent planning their next visit, all those hours they spent on a train, all the money they spent on train tickets... It's not easy but it's necessary so that's what they do.

Tears? Well, that's obvious. Phil wouldn't say their relationship makes them unhappy, but... It does. When it just becomes too overwhelming, when they miss each other too much... (Again, it's not their relationship per se because damn, that's the best thing that ever happened to him. It's about the circumstances.) Countless times, he lay in his bed crying because he just didn't want to hug that stupid pillow anymore, he wanted it to be Dan, wanted to hug this warm, soft human instead.  
And Dan... Dan already told him he had those moments, too. (When he talked about having a breakdown while he was in London - that he ran into the next store just to hide in the changing room because missing Phil became too overwhelming... It hurt a bit because damn, he just wants Dan to be happy. But on the other hand... Dan loves him so much and he just can't be unhappy about that.)  
He also witnessed moments like that. When they were talking and suddenly, Dan teared up... Well, there's something strangely freeing about crying together on Skype before trying to make each other laugh or at least smile again.

The sea? Well, that's the missing part. And that's where his thoughts come full circle.

He wants to be with Dan again, especially on their anniversary. So what if they just went to the sea?  
They never went on holiday together. Most of the time, they visited each other, sometimes they stayed at a friend's place together but that doesn't really count as a holiday. Just going away together to a place that's new for both of them is something they've never done before.  
But they want to. They talked about it again and again - until now it was just a vague idea, though. Actually, it was mostly about not wanting to just meet up anymore – because it always feels like stolen moments and... like visiting. As opposed to being together.

Basically, they'd love to live together so nobody has to go home anymore (“You are my home” - Phil still trembles when he thinks about Dan casually saying this.), so it's not just a visit anymore but it's way too early for that, they just can't take that step yet.  
Well, a holiday is the perfect solution. Being away together, not just visiting.

Their first holiday together is overdue. But is the anniversary a worthy reason?

It's not a real question. Phil doesn't actually doubt it's a good idea to put their holiday plans into action on this special date. After all, they already planned to spend the day together anyway - they just didn't know yet how and were racking their brains about that.  
No, it's quite the contrary. He's overwhelmed because... Damn, that's perfect. What could be a better way to celebrate being together for six months than having their first joint holiday?  
(Maybe Phil wouldn't have considered to celebrate their anniversary like that if it was just for the anniversary. But adding the facts that they miss each other so much already and that they still need to go on their first joint holiday...)

Six months. Even if it wasn't for this little milestone, their relationship per se would be worth celebrating with a holiday. Ten months ago, when he started noticing this guy with the cute profile picture and similar interests, he wouldn't have thought he'd be at that point today - even eight months ago, when he started chatting with this pretty guy.  
Damn, he didn't even dare to think about a relationship with Dan when he was waiting for him, waiting to meet him for the first time, on the train station six months ago. His best case scenario for that day was that they'd get along well and decide to count themselves as real life friends who'd need to meet up another time. He didn't change his mind, he didn't dare to wish for more until Dan kissed him for the first time...

Martyn used to make fun of him for being so blind. And Phil couldn't even be that angry at him because his brother always endured his lovesickness patiently - listening to his rants, to his worries, to his lovestruck descriptions of that guy he met on the internet... Well, the price for having someone to talk to about his feelings for Dan was his mockery.  
It wasn't even mockery, though. Most of the time, Martyn actually tried to help. (In a mocking way, though.)

"Do you think he made such an effort to talk to you because he doesn't care about you?"  
"You are not sure if he really likes you? Can you tell me again what you did for the last four hours? You were talking to Dan, right? To the guy who apparently doesn't actually like you."  
"Phil, shut up. He told you he loved you."

It was hard to believe - up until the moment Dan leaned over to kiss him.

Phil never thought of himself as the protagonist of a love story and this disbelief kind of sticks, including today. That's why it still feels so dazzling to be in a relationship with Dan. Nobody came up to him yet to tell him there was a misunderstanding, he wasn't supposed to have that love story, it actually belongs to someone else...  
No, it's his and Dan's love story. And it feels so good, so right, so...  
Kind of perfect. With its little imperfections.

_The cure for anything is salt water: sweat, tears or the sea._

The cure for the hardships of a long distance relationship is salt water. Sweat as in effort, tears because sometimes it just becomes too much - never in a way that makes them think about breaking up, though -, sea as in their first holiday together.  
Yes, they need to go ahead with this. Sure, his timing isn't exactly fitting - they have just a few days left to make their preparations, to do the research, to book everything... If it was just for the holiday, they could wait, they could take their time. But damn, he really wants to do it for their anniversary. It's perfect.

Phil thinks about calling Dan later, telling him, 'Let's go to the sea'. It makes him feel all giddy with excitement.  
Oh, Dan will be hooked immediately. He's always super spontaneous when it comes to meeting him, willing to put everything else aside... And he wanted them to get away on their own, too.

Yet another thing that feels so dazzling about Dan. Each time he finished school or university, he realized how difficult it is to keep up with friends - you may plan to meet again soon but it seldom works out. There's always something more important...  
For Dan, he's the most important person. Whenever it's possible to meet up, he puts aside everything else and their reunion becomes his priority number one.  
(And it's the same the other way round. Also quite a nice feeling - to take time to meet with Dan even though he might have cancelled on other people for the same time. To know Dan is more important than everyone else.)

The sea. They're going to the sea.

"Son."

Phil turns around, he almost knocks over a rack with postcards. Without him noticing (well, he was busy thinking about Dan again...) Mum has appeared next to him and now, she looks at him, judging him.

"Son. You know I love you and accept you as you are. I even accept you being in a relationship with another guy. But I need to draw a line somewhere and it's those signs. Don't tell me you actually like them."

Oh, the signs... Well, apparently the dislike for the sappy sayings run in the family.

He rolls his eyes at her. Should he even bother explaining his behaviour to her?  
No, not necessary. But she can have the results of his thoughts about those signs.

"I want to go on holiday with Dan. Probably in approximately two weeks."

Now he actually surprised her. Of course, Mum didn't actually think he's into those signs so she just acted surprised but this time, it's real.  
Luckily, she doesn't turn this surprise into a scolding about how irresponsible it is not to take their time to prepare properly for their first trip together. Instead, her surprised look turns into a smile and she pets his arm.

"You two need a bit of a change of air, mh? Well, if that's what makes you happy."

Yes, it would make him so happy.  
Phil closes his eyes for a moment. Lying on the beach, Dan next to him, the sound of the waves crashing against the beach...  
They need to pick a warm spot, though. He already has the sound of the waves here, on the Isle of Man, but that's not what he wants for him and Dan. No, they need to go to another country, to another place where they can enjoy the sunshine.

Yes, that will be awesome.

~*~*~


	2. Visual Perception

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm back again - this time, revealed! \o/ This isn't the only thing that changed, though. Dan and Phil are done planning their holiday, now we'll join them at the place they picked.
> 
> Enjoy! ♥

~*~*~

Grey. The prevalent colour is grey.  
Grey buildings surround them. Their room is grey. On the horizon, the grey sky fades into the grey sea.

Phil takes a step away from the window, he shuts the curtains. A little white spot in the sea of grey...

"This place is a shithole. Literally."

He turns around to Dan. His arms are folded firmly in front of his chest, his face displays the same disgust as his voice.  
Dan's being overdramatic. If you weren't here right now, Dan's description would make it look like they picked a hotel on a landfill site. Neither Blackpool nor their hotel is a rubbish dump, though. Just a little seaside city, accommodating for tourists, a quite regular hotel room, not especially suspicious looking...  
Phil knows what Dan feels, though. Arriving at this grey train station, seeing the grey sky through the glass windows, being greeted by wind and rain, entering the small, crammed hotel room... It's not what they planned for their special day - their special days.

"Do we need to pray to the weather gods so we'll have some nice days, too - or is this what it will look like while we're here?"

Dan nods over to the window - his message is clear even though Phil already closed the curtain.

"And... Gay capital of the North. Yeah. Alright. Should have told the old men about that change, too."

Yet another frustrating event that spoiled their arrival for them. The first few moments in Blackpool weren't even that bad - they went to the first shop they laid their eyes on in order to get some coffee. But as they were waiting in line... They were joking, Dan laughed so loud, he was so happy – Phil couldn't resist, he needed to hug him right there and then. Everything was alright. Until they heard the snarly old men who complained about them.  
Phil isn't quite sure if they were actually homophobic or if their main distress was Dan's loud laughter. Doesn't matter - it was the final straw to ruin the mood. Since then, Dan has been sulking.  
(Understandably.)

What a great start to their first joint holiday.

Damn, he doesn't want it to be that way. He wants them to be happy. After all, they have everything to be happy here, don't they?  
Well, unfortunately, there are also a few things opposed to their happiness.

Phil walks over to Dan, he puts his arms around him. Ah, just as he expected - Dan isn't reluctant to hug him back. Things don't seem to be that bad... Just bad enough that he needs to complain a bit.

"It's so cold here. I wanted to take a journey to summer."

Phil can barely make out his words - Dan is hiding his face against his shoulder, he only mumbles.  
It's okay. Dan can complain as much as he wants to as long as he's still willing to cuddle. Not only because - damn, he missed it so much, this is what he misses every single day when he's not with Dan. Holding his boyfriend, feeling his warmth, his body... It's also because it shows Dan is still okay. He may not be content but as long as he's okay with being with him... That's what counts.

"I hate this place."

Well, it may be okay for Phil. And up to right now he thought Dan just needed to let off some steam. But it seems like that's not enough.  
He needs a little bit of solace. A little reminder that not everything sucks.  
Phil moves back a little bit - he doesn't want to let go of Dan, but he needs to look him in the eyes. (Nice to feel Dan's reluctance - nice to feel Dan doesn't want to let go of him either.)

"Close your eyes, Dan."

What did he expect? Well, certainly not sudden obedience - Dan is still too sulky for that. So it isn't much of a surprise that he rolls his eyes first before actually closing them. At least, he doesn't complain.  
Good. That's what he wanted. Dan right in front of him, his eyes closed...  
It's time to remind him of the good parts of Blackpool - of the reason why they're here. Not because they wanted to make friends,not because they wanted to talk to the nice people of Blackpool, not even because they wanted to enjoy the sunshine. No, the main reason is something else.

Phil places his hands on Dan's neck, he pulls him closer. Dan is... He's waiting. The defiance has disappeared from his face, replaced by expectancy.  
Damn, he's so beautiful. For a few moments, Phil isn't able to do anything else than to stare at Dan, take in his beauty. It still feels so unbelievable he got so lucky to get into this position - to be able to touch Dan, to be close to Dan, to -  
To kiss him. Phil leans forward, their lips touch. As soon as Dan realizes what he's up to, he moves closer, he starts stroking Phil's back...

Yet another thing he missed so much. Kissing Dan...  
Originally, he planned to keep it short. Just a little kiss, just a little peck on his lips to remind him there's more to Blackpool than shitty weather and annoying people. But...  
Dan doesn't let him. He returns the kiss, his hands grabbing Phil's shoulders tell him he's supposed to go on. And... It's impossible to let go of him. To constrain himself to a tiny little kiss... No, it doesn't work like that. He needs more of Dan. More. More. And Dan wants him to take more of him.

They're even closer than they were before now. There's no need for personal space when he's with Dan and right now...  
Dan's taste on his lips, on his tongue. Dan's body pressed against his. Dan's cheeks under his fingertips, then Dan's neck, then his cheek again. Dan's kisses, so hasty and longing and - he knows those kisses, it's the combination of 'I missed you' and 'I'm hot for you', it's what happens when they get to be alone when they finally meet again.  
There's no use resisting. It's a mutual feeling - they're both so horny for each other and... It's totally okay. After all, they're on their own, they both want the same. Getting rid of those clothes, getting even closer...

Phil's hand slips under Dan's cardigan. He needs to search for the next layer of fabric for a bit but then his fingers track down the rim of Dan's t-shirt. Dan's little moan as he shoves it upwards to place his hand on his naked skin... Damn, he missed those little sounds. Dan is so vocal and even though in theory he considered that to be a turn-off before they met, it's really hot when Dan does it. Sometimes, even just listening to him could make him jerk off.

Then, it's time for a break, Phil decides. He breaks the kiss, moves back a little bit.  
Really? Do they actually need a break? Phil looks at Dan, his eyes still closed, his mouth opened a tiny bit, his lips are red and - you can tell they just kissed. His hair is ruffled a bit, too. (Phil didn't even realize he put his hand in Dan's hair - it's some kind of reflex, apparently.)  
Do they actually need a break? Looking at Dan, his first intuition is 'No, just keep going'. Damn, they were sex deprived for so long (well, not even a month but... That's already too much.) and it might seem a bit needy that they rip off their clothes as soon as they're on their own - but who's to judge them?  
Okay, he doesn't actually doubt they both want to have sex now - he also doesn't want to avoid it, to delay it. There's no point in teasing either Dan or himself.

Nevertheless, there's a little thing he needs to resolve first. And that's why he interrupted their kiss. They can go on afterwards, but first...

Phil waits. He doesn't say anything, doesn't do anything - he only resists when Dan tries to pull his head closer so he can kiss him again.  
And then, the penny drops. The corner of Dan's mouth lifts, his voice... He sounds mainly husky (makes Phil consider dropping his point in order to lay him right now) but there's also a hidden laughter in his voice.

"Okay, I get it. This place isn't that bad."

Great. That's what he wanted to hear. Not just the message, though - Dan sounds kind of sincere. He didn't just say that to calm down Phil, he actually seems to have calmed down himself.  
Phil grins, he pulls Dan's head closer to place a kiss on his forehead. Then...

"You can open your eyes now."

It's totally okay if Dan shuts his eyes when they kiss. It'd be a bit creepy if he just looked at him all the time... But they're not kissing right now - and this wasn't just a tiny interruption, a little pause to catch their breath. Nevertheless, Dan's eyes are still shut closed.  
And they stay closed. Dan smirks, he shakes his head.

"No. I want to focus on the nice things here. And that's..."

His finger trails along Phil's chest - Phil inhales sharply. Damn, even with his eyes closed, Dan knows how to catch him off-guard.  
Well, he's pretty convincing. If that's his reason for not opening his eyes again...

"Okay. I could also blindfold you so you don't have to worry about keeping your eyes shut."

Just a little joke. But Dan... At first, he laughs. Then he bites his lips and -  
He's knows exactly what he's doing. He's sending a message. The proposal of blindfolding him made him feel the same as Phil with his lip bite. (Pretty aroused, apparently.)

"You actually want me to -"  
"That'd be hot."

Yeah. Yes, he's absolutely right - that'd be really hot. Dan surrendering to him, leaving the control to him... He can't do much on his own when he's not able to see anything, he needs to wait and see (well, 'see') what Phil does.  
It's hot.

"Okay. Let's do it."

Now, Dan opens his eyes after all. He looks a bit surprised – surprised by Phil's consent or by the fact that they're actually going to blindfold him? Phil can't tell. But then the surprise turns to a smile.

"Okay."

They let go of each other to pick up one of their suitcases. Phil picks his own - he doesn't own bondage stuff but there's something he has in mind... Dan kneels down next to him as he opens the suitcase and starts to dig in it. Luckily, it doesn't take him long to find what he looked for - one of his pyjama pants. He throws it to Dan who barely manages to catch it.

"Is that okay as a blindfold?"  
"I guess so."

Yeah, that's what he thought, too. They're not that experienced, so they need to try it out but his pants look quite promising. (Not professional, not that sexy but... promising.)  
Next, he picks up the lube, then - Dan stops him as he goes to close his suitcase.

"Wait. I want your pillow."

Reasonable. Phil just brought it with him because he likes to take it on his travels, just in case he doesn't like the hotel pillows, and Dan might feel the same.  
Is it all about being comfortable, though? The pillow was there almost every time when they had sex before, Phil realizes. Most of the time they stayed at his home and whenever they didn't, he brought his pillow. (Seeing Dan's head resting on his pillow... Yes, this image is part of their sex life.) Apparently, he isn't the only one who's fond of the pillow...  
Dan gets out the pillow, he throws it on the bed. But before they finally can get up...

"Phil, wait."

Oh. Something's changed. Dan's hair is still ruffled, his lips are still shiny, he still radiates this energy of 'I want to have sex with you', but... He's unsure, somehow. This time, his tiny lip bite isn't that sexual anymore.  
It's too much for him. Getting blindfolded may have seemed like a good idea just a few moments ago, but now that they're actually about to do it... Maybe he wants to take back his offer. Maybe he wants to arrange a safeword. But on the other hand, he doesn't look like he feels uncomfortable about their sex plans.

Dan takes a deep breath, then he finally explains what's the matter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't want to say the blindfolded cat face game video is super inspiring but........
> 
> It's super inspiring. In so many ways. (This time, it let me know how they used to blindfold each other. It wasn't the only time they did it that way, tho...)


	3. Auditory Perception

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's time to return to Blackpool! \o/

"I'm sorry. What I said about Blackpool... I didn't want to insult you."

Oh, so that's what's troubling him. Phil thought he'd forgotten about that already... (Well, it's honourable he still takes the time to apologize to him. If Phil hadn't known the reasons for his complaints, he'd actually felt attacked. After all, he proposed going to Blackpool...)

"I hate this place. But it's not because of you. And... I know I'm supposed to enjoy being with you and I do, I really do. But..."

His hand darts upwards, he fixes his fringe. And Phil... He doesn't really know what to say. On the one hand, he wants to stop Dan. Just let him know that it's okay, that he understands why he reacted that way. Then he'd kiss him so Dan couldn't talk anymore, so Dan would finally forget about it.  
On the other hand, he feels that Dan needs to get this off his chest. He obviously feels bad for reacting the way he did and explaining it obviously helps him.  
(Also, he wants Dan to let off some steam. Yeah, he thought they'd decided to do that by having sex but apparently, Dan still needs to talk.)

"I hate this place. I hate that it's not Portugal."

Portugal. That's the warm place they initially picked. They were so thrilled - just as Phil expected, Dan was immediately hooked on the idea of going on holiday together and they spent the next hours looking up different places, hotels, flights... Finally, they agreed on Portugal. It wasn't easy, especially because they didn't have much time left - they really wanted to do this trip for their anniversary. But it worked out.  
At least it looked like it worked out. Until they got the news that their plane was cancelled due to the volcano eruption in Iceland. So they had to postpone their holiday.

It was devastating. They both were so much looking forward to that trip...  
Phil just couldn't stand it. Couldn't stand the thought of their perfect plan failing at last notice, couldn't stand seeing Dan disappointed. So he proposed to go somewhere else on their anniversary.  
Blackpool. That was the new location he proposed.

"Well, it's the North."  
"No, that's not the issue! The North is great. But Blackpool isn't."

Okay, that's not what Phil expected. He can't hide a little grin, he can't stay serious.

"Don't let anyone else hear that or they won't let you go back home. A Southener complimenting the North..."

Even though it felt kind of inappropriate, Dan smiles for a split second.

"Good thing I'm planning to move up north. But you know what I mean. I like staying at your place. But this place..."

The smile fades again, Dan sighs. He looks down, fumbles on the pyjama pants he's still holding.

"I don't know why I feel that way. Like, I get that we wanted to make the best out of it and we're still going to Portugal and stuff but... I wanted it to be perfect. It's our first holiday, after all. But instead, it's raining, it's cold, the room is shit..."

Oh, the room... Phil is on the fence about it. He's spent several nights in hotel rooms before and this is a quite average room, according to his experience - and 'average' is okay. The room is clean, the bed looks fine, there's nothing repelling about either the bed or the room per se.  
Nevertheless, he gets what Dan feels. After all, they didn't pick the cheapest hotel they could find - they decided to pay a bit more in order to get a nicer room.  
The room may be okay as in 'you can survive staying there for a few nights' but it isn't what they paid for. It isn't overly luxurious, overly cosy - it's a simple, rather small room.

"I know. I'm not that overwhelmed, either."

Dan looks up, looks directly at him. And -  
Phil feels like he missed something again. There was this short flash of surprise but now, Dan looks... Sad? Actually sad? Not just annoyed, like just a few moments ago.

"You deserve a better boyfriend, Phil. Someone who appreciates what you do for him."  
"I - what?"

Yes, he got why Dan was pissed off before, he knew why Dan wasn't happy. But this sentiment... Where did that come from? Why? What?  
Phil is overwhelmed. He isn't even able to process it properly, to reflect on why Dan feels that way. He just needs to -  
His suitcase hits the cupboard as he shoves it aside (yeah, the room is definitively too small) in order to get to Dan. Leaping, crawling - he doesn't waste time getting up first, he just needs to get to Dan, he just needs to fling himself on Dan, to hug him, to pull him close.

"Dan, I - I don't want a different boyfriend."

Hesitantly, Dan puts his arms around him, too. Good decision - there's no need to resist, Phil wants him to feel loved. And what's a better way to show him he's loved than by smothering him with love?  
It's what he said before rambling about Blackpool, Phil suddenly realizes. Dan still feels bad because he thought he insulted Phil by insulting their destination.  
But there's no need to feel bad, damn it. Especially not that way.

"I don't need someone who's happy all the time - or who pretends to be happy all the time.”

He puts his forehead against Dan's, they stare in each other's eyes.  
Dan's eyes look scared. A bit like a deer in the headlights and damn, Phil wants that fear to disappear. Right now. Because there's no need for Dan to be scared.

"I want a boyfriend who's honest with me. I want a boyfriend who's moody, a boyfriend who's mad at stuff - because this is the boyfriend who'll laugh at the same things as me, because this is the boyfriend who talks to me for hours because there's so much to say, because we have so much to talk about. You are the best boyfriend in the universe, Dan."

There - a tiny little smile. And Dan is actually able to joke.

"Don't say that. You don't know about the sexy aliens yet. Maybe one day you'll meet the perfect alien..."

It doesn't mean he's happy, though. The smile disappears as fast as it just appeared and Dan becomes serious again.

"You won't always be that understanding. I'm too difficult. I'm too annoying. One day, you'll... One day, it will be too much. One day, you will give up on me."

Phil gulps. This isn't fishing for compliments - Dan actually means what he says. And...  
He can't simply tell him that he's wrong. Because he isn't.

"I don't know what will happen 'one day'. Maybe I can't stand you anymore one day. Maybe you can't stand me anymore one day because I get too annoying. Maybe we'll argue and break up. But..."

He's thought about that, too. Because - Dan is right, he is difficult to handle. He has major mood swings, he can be super moody, he can be depressed, he can be angry - he's not flawless. Well, it's a good thing he doesn't see his lover as flawless, isn't it? After all, Dan knows Phil isn't perfect either, after all, Phil has his difficult moments, too.  
On the other hand, Phil fears they only think they can deal with each other's flaws because they're so in love and their love is still so young. Maybe they need to deal with their problems first before he can commit to a relationship.  
But damn, their love isn't that young anymore. They've been in a relationship for six months and they spent so much time together in those six months - they had their highs and lows, they had arguments, they had moments where one of them felt bad... And they mastered it.

Things aren't always rosy and romantic. But he wants to be by Dan's side nevertheless - wants Dan by his side nevertheless. Because even in their worst moments, it would be even worse without Dan - because their worst moments are better when they are together.

It's not just 'a phase'. They don't just deal with each other's problems because they're blind with love.  
No, it's different.

He gently strokes Dan's cheek. Oh, if he could just let him feel what he feels... Putting it into words is so difficult and doesn't feel sufficient.  
Before Phil can say something, Dan pipes up.

"You're not annoying."  
"Shut up. I am. And you are, too. But you're the best boyfriend in the universe nevertheless."

Phil gulps again. What he's about to say... It's so big, it's so important - and it's so difficult to phrase. But he knows that Dan understands. He knows that Dan feels the same when he doesn't get smothered by self-doubts.

"I don't want to fix you. And I don't want you to fix me. I love you as you are, even though it's not always easy. It's a part of you and that's the person I fell in love with. You wouldn't be the same if you were happy all the time."

There it is. Something's changed again, something in the way Dan looks at him. Is it hope? Phil can't tell exactly, but...  
Dan exhales. And it sounds like he had a lot of pressure on his chest.

"I love you, Phil."

His voice is soft, just a whisper. Still, Phil can recognize something.  
He doesn't sound like he's on the verge of tears anymore.

This time, it's way easier to find the right words.

"I love you, too."

Still, it's so overwhelming... He pulls Dan even closer, buries his face at his shoulder. Damn, just holding him is one of the best things in the world.  
Then, Dan whispers something.

"I ruined the mood, didn't I?"

The mood... Oh right, they were about to have sex. To be honest, he's still a little aroused - but their feelings took priority.  
There's something else about Dan's statement, though. He doesn't sound guilty - he sounds rather regretful.  
He's better now.

So... They talked enough for now, Dan finally calmed down, Dan is finally ready to forget about his disappointment, about his worries.  
It's time for his usual tactic for Dan's breakdowns: Distraction. (He's already found out that that's what works best for both of them most of the time. But sometimes – like just a few moments before – that's not the best way to approach Dan's worries. Sometimes it's necessary to actually discuss them.)

"You planned this, didn't you? You just talked shit about Blackpool because you were scared of getting blindfolded."

Phil deliberately avoids their last topic. He can make fun of Dan's complaints but he really takes Dan's fears seriously and dragging him for them would make Dan feel otherwise.  
Making fun of his complaints is totally okay, though. After all, Dan already admitted he knew they were irrational.

Yes, Dan knows what he's up to. He giggles.

"No. You let me talk shit about Blackpool because you were scared."  
"Scared of what?"  
"Scared of having a naked, sexy guy on hand."

Phil moves back a bit - he needs to look at Dan right now.  
Yeah, they're actually fine. Dan isn't just pretending to feel better - there's a spark in his eyes, a smirk at the corner of his mouth. He's totally okay with playing their little game.

"He's still not naked, though. Neither blindfolded nor naked. What a disappointment. Everything about Blackpool sucks."  
"I'm going to suck you."

Dan totally knows what he just said, he picked that innuendo on purpose. And just in case Phil didn't get it, he wiggles his eyebrow.  
Phil's skin tickles. It's pretty fascinating - they can go from emotional to horny in just a few seconds, with just a few words.  
(Well, maybe it helped they were horny before. A little break to talk about some deeper stuff is okay - as long as it's just a break and nothing more. Also, they're both quite happy to let go of the deeper stuff now.)

Enough banter. If Dan only uses his mouth for banter, he needs to be put to silence.

Phil's hand slips to the back of Dan's head, he pulls him closer. Their lips collide, immediately he senses Dan's tongue... Ah, seems like he wasn't the only one who was done with talking.  
Dan really didn't destroy the mood. Of course it was a bit dampened but... It just took a few sparks to relight the fire.

And the fire keeps growing. Dan's hasty kisses, Dan's fingers on his chest, trying to unbutton his shirt, Dan's little moan as Phil's hand slip under his t-shirt again.  
He missed it so much. Again and again and again he gets overwhelmed by finally being together with Dan again. All those little things... Being able to touch him, to kiss him, to feel his warmth.

Then they take another break. Phil pulls back and -  
They had a plan, after all.

"So are you finally ready to get blindfolded?"  
"Are you?"

Dan grins - and to make things clear, he picks up the pants and presses them against Phil's chest.  
Okay, okay. Time to let go of Dan, time to... He gets on his knees in order to wrap the pants around Dan's head. It isn't as easy as he imagined - Dan utters a few small 'ouch'es because he pulls his hair while trying to knot the fabric - but the idea itself was a good one - it works. Not the best blindfold in the world, but for them, it's absolutely sufficient.  
Sufficient and... Hot. Dan sitting in front of him, his head slightly lifted, waiting, relying on him...

Yes, that's what they had in mind.

Phil gets up, then he grabs Dan's hands to help him up and to guide him onto the bed. They take some moments to get comfortable - even without seeing anything, Dan is able to grab Phil's pillow he threw on the bed before and place it under his head. Then...  
Phil lies down next to Dan, facing him. He reaches out, lets his fingers trail down his body. Starting at his chest, crossing his crotch... He's already got a boner. (Still has a boner?) (No problem, he isn't the only one.)  
To see Dan slightly shifting, biting on his lip in order to keep silent... Ah, he realizes Phil's teasing him - thus, he tries to tease him in return by not letting him know his reaction.

Well, let's see what happens if...

Phil's hand continues a bit farther down along Dan's thigh, then he returns to his crotch. It's a bit inconvenient to open his trousers with just one hand but... He doesn't want to get closer yet.  
It works nevertheless. And this time, Dan can't hide his reaction anymore. Instinctively, he lifts his hips - yes, he might have done it in order to help Phil get rid of his pants, but... No, he would have moved differently in this case. Dan just tried to get closer to Phil's hand, tried to make him touch his erection.  
Not yet. He won't be able to keep up the teasing for too long - after all, he's so horny, he just wants to have sex with Dan again, as soon as possible. But a tiny little bit, at least until they're both undressed...

His hand moves upwards now, away from Dan's crotch. It slips under his t-shirt again, he strokes Dan's tummy - Dan isn't up for teasing him anymore, this time, his groan is clearly audible.

Damn, he needs to stay strong a little bit longer. It would be so easy to simply tear off Dan's clothes, his own clothes, to huddle against Dan, their naked bodies touching... But that's not what they had in mind. That's not all they had in mind. First, he needs to make use of the blindfold.  
It's not like teasing Dan a little bit longer is a terrible option. Au contraire - it's really, really tempting. But it's the slow option and he's so impatient...

His hands stroke further upwards. Just a little bit more, then he needs to move - he needs to sit up so he can use both of his hands. Thus, he shoves Dan's t-shirt up and -  
This time, he can't resist getting closer. Not super close, not body on body, just...  
Phil bows down, he starts placing kisses on Dan's belly. Starting next to his belly button, moving downwards...

"Oh, Phil!"

Dan tries to grab his hair. He needs two tries – first, he misses his head and he needs to feel around a bit. His tentative movements... It's so obvious he can't see (so he isn't cheating, he isn't trying to see anything through the makeshift blindfold) but he still wants to touch Phil, still wants to find Phil.  
Stroking his hair doesn't seem to be that difficult, though. Dan's fingers run through his hair, again and again - whenever Phil hits a particularly sensitive spot, he grabs it and - Phil actually kind of enjoys the twinge.  
As Phil sits up again, Dan's hand slips down, on the mattress, next to him.

Wow. What a view. Phil takes a moment to take it in - Dan lying next to him, spread out, his t-shirt pulled up, his trousers open, the bulge in his pants that's clearly visible now - and the look on his face, on the parts of his face that are visible next to the blindfold. Slightly breathless, awaiting what happens next...  
Nothing, for now. Phil needs to enjoy this little moment, the tickle on his skin, the strangely pleasing discomfort of his trousers becoming too tight...

It's not him who decides they need to go on, though.

"Phil, come on..."

A breathless little whine... Phil actually considers ignoring it. After all, he wanted to tease Dan a bit, didn't he?  
(Also... He wanted to tease himself. Even though this is what he was longing for the last few days... Just waiting a little bit longer so it will be even more rewarding.)

He can't ignore Dan's efforts to make him continue, though. His boyfriend lifts his arm - again, he's a bit disoriented, he flails around a bit before he finds Phil by hitting him on the upper arm. He makes no effort to feel around for another body part, he simply grabs him and shakes him.

"Come on. Please."

Wow, that's... (Surprisingly hot.) Quite a nice substitute for teasing Dan a bit longer. Hearing him beg, seeing him that helpless - but at the same time, Dan is still determined, Dan still knows what he wants.  
And that's Phil.

Phil doesn't wait until Dan hits him another time. In one swift movement, he shoves Dan back on the mattress and lowers himself on top of him  
Just what Dan wanted. But it doesn't feel like giving in as Dan's hand strokes along his back (again, he missed the spot he actually reached for) until he can place it at the back of his neck. Especially because - that's all, that's when Dan stops. Now it's time for Phil to take over again, that's what he's letting him know.  
Well, now that he's that close again...

Phil lowers his head so he can kiss Dan again. Just a little peck - and another peck - and another...  
Dan growls, he tries to pull him down, tries to keep him down, tries to make Phil kiss him longer.

It's difficult to decide what's the most tempting thing about that situation. Being so much in control, feeling the tension between them - or realizing yet another time how much Dan longs for him, how much Dan yearns for him.  
Doesn't matter. Those aspects added together... It's overwhelming. And that's why he doesn't even try to resist Dan anymore, that's why he obeys him, that's why...

It feels a bit like he dipped his toes into a pool just before - and kissing Dan again is like he jumped into the water. He submerges, everything else fades away, becomes less and less important... No need to think anymore, no need to wait, no need to restrain. It's just him and Dan and their kisses and Dan's lips and Dan's tongue and Dan's little moans and Dan's hands, stroking his back restlessly, and Dan's warmth and Dan's smell and Dan's - Dan's everything.  
Their hands move almost on their own now - they find their way to the annoying pieces of fabric. Phil needs to lift his head for a bit as Dan tries to pull his shirt off, he takes the opportunity to shove Dan's cardigan off his shoulders, to get his t-shirt off his body, too. They take up the kiss again as their hands move on, nestling on their trousers, struggling to pull them down, until they need to interrupt again, just for a few seconds, then -  
Yet another sensation he missed so much. Skin on skin, no distracting clothes between them anymore - and Dan's moan as Phil's hand strokes along his side, down to his butt. His lip bite...

They need to kiss again. Right now. Now, there's no trace of calmness left, it's just about -  
Phil caresses Dan's inner thigh - immediately, Dan spreads his legs so Phil can slide between them.  
Closer. Closer. Even closer and still not close enough. Not yet.

Dan wraps his legs around him, pulls Phil towards him. Still - not close enough.

Well, seems like Dan feels the same. He interrupts their kiss, his voice is barely more than panting.

"Phil. Please."

No need to beg anymore. Damn, he isn't a sadist - he may have enjoyed teasing Dan (teasing both of them) before, but keeping him in suspense now wouldn't be teasing anymore, that would be torture.  
The time has come to let go.

~*~*~


	4. Proprioception

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> With the beginning of the new year, I realized it will be the 10th anniversary of their first vacation................ It's so strange, ten years ago there were two smol bebes lurking around in Blackpool - ten years later, they've traveled the world together ♥  
> (this ten year stuff never fails to make me sentimental)

~*~*~

"Oh, wow. I'm going to go broke in here."

On their first day in Blackpool, they avoided the arcade. Their main issue was time - they wanted to check out what their temporary home had to offer but not yet in detail so they walked past the building with the blinking lights and the promising gaming machines inside. A wise decision - it took them long enough to walk everywhere without even entering somewhere, then they got hungry, then they got horny... Oh, and it also took a while until they left the hotel room to begin with. Phil took some time to thoroughly convince Dan of Blackpool's pleasant aspects, Dan took some time to make sure he didn't actually hate everything about Blackpool...  
(They may have been a bit sex-starved. And damn, it was so nice to lie next to Dan after they had sex, to chat a bit until the little strokes, the little touches filled with tenderness became less and less innocent again...)

Well, Dan just brought up another reason why it wasn't a bad idea to avoid the arcade. When they were at his place, they spent so much time playing games - in their holiday, they got a bit restricted. Now, they entered a paradise for gamers - but they need to pay for every game.

"We should have taken out a loan before we came here."

Dan snorts.

"I may need to take out a loan for university so... Bad idea. I hope you don't mind your boyfriend becoming a prostitute."  
"As long as you sleep with me for free..."  
"Oi, you're supposed to get jealous."

Phil wants to answer him, wants to let him know he doesn't get jealous if that includes paying Dan's gaming debts. But right at that moment, Dan spots something and their banter is forgotten. He grabs Phil's arm, drags him over to one of the claw machines. (In moments like that, he kind of regrets a bit that they decided to avoid public display of affection. It'd be so nice if Dan let his hand slide down a bit so they could hold hands...)

"Look at those plushies! They're awesome."  
"They are!"

Yep. Two grown men, enthusiastic about a claw machine filled with plushies. Totally normal, nothing to see here.  
(Yet another reason why he's so happy to be in a relationship with Dan. Because with him, it actually is totally normal. Because Dan did not in the slightest think about even raising an eyebrow at Phil taking his lion plushie everywhere, because Dan got super excited when Phil got him a Tonberry plushie for Christmas. Because it feels so natural to marvel at the plushies in the claw machine together.)

"I like that one the best."

Dan points at one of the plushies - a monster with stripes on his belly.

"Nah. The one next to it is better."

It's a bit smaller and partly buried beneath other plushies but its brown fur looks fluffier than Dan's.  
His boyfriend doesn't give in, though.

"Noooo. Look, it's from 'Where the Wild Things Are'."

Oh, now he knows why it looked familiar... That's one of his favourite childhood books.

"Okay, you're right. It's cooler."

Dan smiles at him, he looks... Kind of proud? (Damn, he's so cute.)  
Then he turns to the claw machine again.

"I need to try to get it."

No sooner said than done. Dan enters a coin, he starts operating the claw. Phil takes a step closer to be able to watch him better.

"You need to go a little bit more to the left."  
"You think so?"

Even though he seems to doubt it, Dan moves the claw a bit to the left, then he starts lowering it. And...  
Bingo. The claw grips the monster Dan picked, lifts it up...  
And drops it.

"Fuck."

Dan hits the joystick, he steps aside to take a deep breath.

"Those things are cursed. Or manipulated, whatever. You aren't supposed to actually get the stuff inside."

At least that's what his parents told him whenever he wanted to try his luck at one of the gaming machines when he was a kid... 'It isn't worth the money, you aren't supposed to catch something.'.  
Dan sighs, he pouts at him.

"But it was so close."

Phil mimics his pout - Dan laughs. So losing to the claw wasn't that bad, apparently...  
He's not done with this machine yet, though.

"Now it's your turn."  
"No pressure at all, mh?"

Phil steps in front of the control panel, he searches for a fitting coin in his pocket. In the meantime, Dan gets closer - he could put his arm around him but they probably just look like they want to get a good look at the claw.  
Then, he enters the coin and starts the game.

"Do you have a strategy?"  
"Well, same as you, I guess? I'll try to get a bit deeper but the direction was okay, I suppose."

Thus, he moves the claw a bit. Damn, it'd be easier if Dan wasn't watching... If it was just about losing his money, it wouldn't be that bad. But he wants to impress Dan.

"I'll probably fail, though. I'm bad at stuff like that."  
"No, you aren't. You're a pro gamer."

Wow. He didn't expect that. Apparently, there's no need to impress Dan anymore - Dan thinks highly of him already. (He senses that he's blushing.)  
Dan doesn't stop, though.

"Come on, you can do it. It's almost the same as using a console. Think of Sonic."  
"There's no claw in Sonic."  
"But you're the best Sonic player in the world. And what's a little claw compared to Sonic?"

Wow. It actually helps. Dan's praise is actually encouraging. He can do this. It may be difficult but as long as Dan is cheering him on...  
(Also, Dan won't judge him if he doesn't make it. Everything is alright - there are enough other opportunities to impress his boyfriend.)

Left. No, not that much. A tiny bit to the right again. Forward. Stop. Yes, right there.  
Phil lowers the claw - okay, he picked the right directions, the claw hovers directly above the plushie Dan showed him. Then, the claw closes and -

“Yes!”

\- it gets hold of the plushie.  
Not bad. But they were at that point before. It takes more than just grabbing the plushie – now it's up to fate, the claw, gravity, whatever.  
Phil holds his breath as the claw moves up – he can sense Dan doing the same. The movements seem so shuddery – each time the claw takes a corner, Phil fears it might drop the toy.  
It doesn't, though. The claw moves over to the drop-off point, opens and -

“Oh my god, you did it!”

Dan looks at him incredulously and for one moment, Phil completely forgets about his victory. His boyfriend beaming with joy, being so happy for him... They can be super competitive and Phil wouldn't dare complain about it because he likes competing with Dan, because he likes it when their games become a competition, including a sore loser and everything. But today, Dan doesn't feel competitive, it seems. He prefers being delighted for him. Even though Phil just won the plushie he himself wanted to get – even though he doesn't know yet what Phil is up to.  
(Damn, he'd love to kiss him. Celebrate his little victory by pulling Dan close, by...)

Phil turns away. Partly because he needs to get his plushie out of the machine, partly because it becomes really difficult to resist the urge to kiss his boyfriend.  
As he picks up the plushie, Dan's facial expression changes a bit. Now he actually looks a bit regretful. After all, he lost to the claw machine, after all, he didn't get the plushie he wanted...

“Here. For you.”

Just for a few seconds, though. As soon as Phil hands the plushie over to him, his expression becomes puzzled first, then the joy lights up his face.

“For me?”  
“Yes. I didn't want to get it for me. I wanted to get it for you.”

It was a rather unconscious decision – but it was the main reason why he was so nervous. The prospect of winning something for his lover...  
Dan presses the plushie to his chest and – wow, now it's almost impossible to resist the urge to step forward, to hug him, to let his fingers rake through his hair, to kiss him. He's so adorable and seeing him so happy makes Phil so happy and -  
He's so in love with him.

“Phil, that's...”

Phil takes a step forward – their foreheads almost touch. It's not close enough, not at all but... It feels kind of intimate.  
Dan looks up from his plushie, looks him in the eye. His smile is so soft, so content, so...

“I love you so much, Phil.”

~*~*~


	5. Telepathic Perception

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm back! Couldn't leave those poor guys all on their own in Blackpool... Who else is still around?

~*~*~

"Dan?"  
"Mhh?"

Dan tilts his head a bit so he can look at Phil. Alright, he's still awake - not even dozing yet. That's what Phil wanted to know.  
They got cosy. For the last few hours - yeah, it's probably 'hours' by now - they just lay on the bed, talking at first but then they became silent and just... It wasn't necessary to talk. Dan rested his head on Phil's chest, Phil strokes his hair every now and then, they have their arms wrapped around each other, he can feel Dan's warmth...  
Phil is still taken by surprise every now and then how easy it is to be happy with Dan. Sometimes, it just takes a hug - sometimes, it just takes Dan to be next to him. Everything turns quiet in those moments - he doesn't care about his surroundings anymore, his head turns silent... Dan is the only one who matters. And knowing that it's the same for Dan, that Dan gets all calm in those moments makes them even more special.

Now, he becomes a bit jittery, though. He's not ready to fall asleep yet and yes, he could stay here forever but... The urge to do something else becomes overwhelming.

"Do you want to go for a walk?"

Dan frowns. Yeah, he knows that this isn't exactly the kind of question you'd expect in the middle of the night. But walking through the empty streets with Dan sounds promising, somehow.  
Dan's confusion doesn't stay long, though. The frown disappears, the corners of his mouth lift.

"Okay."

No more questions. Dan is up for whatever he has in mind.  
Good. It was just a little thought that crossed his mind but as he put it into words, it became kind of tempting. Of course, he'd accepted it if Dan had declined - it's not really warm outside, especially in the middle of the night, he might be tired, he might prefer cuddling - but pulling through with his plan is the better option.

They don't get up at once. Dan moves up a bit so he can kiss Phil - it's a slow, lazy kiss and Phil expects it to take so long that they decide to stay in here afterwards. But then, Dan pulls back and gets up.  
Getting outside doesn't take long. They pick some random clothes, there's no need to fix their hair...

Then, they're outside, on the empty street.

It's actually quite strange. Phil is used to being awake at two o'clock but normally, he's inside at that time, on the computer or on a console.  
(He glanced at his phone before they got out of the room - he thought it was earlier but well, as long as they're still alert enough to go outside, everything is alright. After all, they don't have to be anywhere tomorrow. If it's necessary, they can stay in bed until noon.)  
There's always something going on on the internet - even at two o'clock at night. In Blackpool, everyone is asleep.

One thing's stayed the same, though. Dan is with him.  
In the past six months, he wasn't on his own when he was awake in the middle of the night. Most of the time, Dan was with him - either physically, lying next to him in bed, sitting next to him when they were still playing a game, or online because they just couldn't stop talking to each other.

Six months...

Dan looks around, checking their surroundings, then their eyes meet and - there's a question in his eyes, in the way he tilts his head a little bit. Is it okay...?  
Phil isn't sure they actually have the same thing in mind. But he wanted to ask something, too, and... It could be the same question.  
They move closer, Phil puts his arm around Dan's waist. And - yes, that's actually what Dan wanted to check. He smiles, puts his arm around Phil, too, and rests his head against Phil's for a moment.

Thus, they walk down the street. (Towards the sea, there's no need to talk about that, either.)

In broad daylight, they wouldn't get so close in public. But now that they're on their own...

Six months. Six months ago, they met for the first time. Six months ago, they kissed for the first time. Six months ago, Phil knew he found someone who may actually be his Prince Charming, someone who might actually be meant to be by his side. Six months later, he knows it wasn't just a flash, just a short impression - six months later, he still feels the same. Of course, he doesn't know what the future will bring, but being with Dan still feels so right, still feels like something permanent.  
Technically, it isn't their anniversary anymore - technically, it has been over for two hours. But they haven't slept since so it doesn't feel like a new day has started.

Their anniversary... They didn't actually celebrate it as in 'throwing a party'. After all, this whole holiday is a celebration. But they set an alarm for 12 o'clock so they wouldn't miss the start of their special day. (They were awake anyway, but Phil didn't want to check the clock every few minutes.)  
To be precise, they actually did miss the start of their special day -at least they weren't able to wish each other a happy anniversary on the stroke of twelve. A few moments before the clocks turned twelve, Dan got up, cupped Phil's face with his hands and kissed him. But - that was the best way to start their anniversary day anyway. Ignoring the alarm because they were still busy kissing...

Of course, they had to reminisce about their first day together. Talking about trembling hands, racing hearts, butterflies in their stomachs... It still feels incredible things turned out the way they did.

Then, they talked about how they wanted to spend this special day. They didn't make plans before - first, they wanted to check out Blackpool, see what the weather would be like... (Planning in advance didn't work out for them recently, so they wanted to be a bit more spontaneous this time.)  
Even at that point, they didn't make big plans. Even though it was tempting, they didn't even decide on where to get dinner yet - they only agreed on visiting the aquarium.  
There was something else they decided, though. Phil thought they were already done with planning their day, he was watching Dan scrolling through the Twitter app when his boyfriend put aside his phone and turned towards him.

No social media for their special day. No phones either - no calls, no texts. Just the two of them. ("Somehow, we need to make sure our mums don't panic.") Because on this day, it should be all about them.

Surprisingly, their plans worked out. They visited the aquarium - and they actually enjoyed that trip -, the weather was quite nice, they agreed on sharing a pizza on the beach. (And a second one in their hotel room because one pizza for two tall lads... It wasn't enough.)  
And they were offline all day long. Of course, they considered picking up their phones every now and then but being without them was quite okay, too.  
(It's a nice distraction. But as long as he's with Dan, Phil doesn't feel the need to go online.)

"Look. We could get croissants now. There's no one here right now. Finally no queue."

Back to the present, back to the quiet streets of Blackpool, back to Dan. He points at a dark shop window.  
It's the bakery they went to yesterday before they travelled to the aquarium. There's always a queue in front of the shop and they had to wait a while until they got served, but the croissants were actually good - they were worth the wait.  
Phil grins.

"Yeah. But there's also no one who can sell us the croissants. I doubt they even have croissants in there right now. But we could sit down here so we'll be the first ones in line tomorrow morning."

Dan chuckles, their heads touch for a moment.

Damn, he doesn't want to go to sleep, Phil suddenly realizes. He wants to stay awake the whole night - as long as he can walk around with Dan, talk about nonsense with him... It feels so special.  
(A special ending for their special day.)

They continue their walk. Even at night, it's not that difficult to find their way to the beach - they go there several times a day, so they're quite experienced. (Also, they lost their way a few times already so... At least they now know which turns to avoid.)  
And Phil... Even though he enjoys being outside with Dan, a part of him longs to be back in their hotel room again. They may be walking arm in arm and that's more than they can do at daytime but... It's not close enough. Damn, he wants to cuddle again. Be closer to him, feel every single breath...  
(Six months. And this urge still is as pressing as on the first day.)

Well, they're still outside. But Phil can't resist the urge.  
He turns towards Dan, puts his other arm around him, too, buries his face at his neck, breathes in his scent. (Yes. That's what he needs right now.) Dan laughs, a tiny little giggle - then he wraps his arms around him, pulls him even closer. They keep on walking, though - well, kind of walking, it's more of a stumble now.

"You're so cute, Phil."

A breathless whisper, only meant for him and Phil can't help but smile. Cute... If Dan says so. As long as he's okay with random cuddle attacks...  
Nevertheless, Phil lets go after a while. They've got different plans, after all - they can cuddle again later, when they're back in the hotel. For now, he needs to content himself with walking arm in arm.  
(It's nice, too. Especially because he just got his necessary dose of cuddle.)

For the rest of their walk, they don't keep quiet. It's not quite the most sophisticated talk they've ever had - they may not be 'I could fall asleep while walking' tired yet, but the long day is slowly taking its toll. But they both feel the same so the incoherent conversation, jumping from pizza to the musician they saw on a pier earlier this day to the rats that supposedly live in the canals of Blackburn (they haven't seen them yet - not even now, in the middle of the night, when the rats are supposed to leave their homes in order to roam the empty streets), makes sense to them.  
(It's not only because they're both sleepy-stupid. After all, they can talk to each other for hours without getting bored.)

Then, as they take the next turn, they can finally see the sea. It lies in front of them, dark, calm, glittering a bit...  
It's a breathtaking view. So different from the view during the day - even different from the view from their room at night.

"Let's go down to the beach."

Phil simply nods, they walk over to the stairs, climb down...  
It's a bit creepy, though. The perfect setting for a strange horror film - who knows what could crawl out of the water?  
He decides not to mention this thought to Dan. It would ruin the mood.

Speaking of the mood... Phil pushes aside his worries, he turns to Dan. They smile at each other, then Dan raises his hands and places them on his cheeks.

"I've been wanting to do that all the time..."

No need to ask what he means - no time to ask, either. Dan gets closer, then... He kisses him. First, he's a bit reserved, it's just several small kisses, but then, his hand slides to the back of Phil's head, he buries it in Phil's hair, tilts his head a bit -  
Phil closes his eyes, he wraps his arms around Dan.

So Dan wanted to kiss him at the beach? That's... That's so cute.  
(And overwhelming again. Because - yes, he accepts that Dan is his boyfriend, he's quite glad about it. Nevertheless it's still overwhelming. Dan is so perfect, so lovely - he could be with any guy he set his eyes on. But he chose Phil. He thought about kissing Phil at the beach. Not some random guy, but Phil.)

And the kiss itself... It's longing, so longing. Even though they've spent the last few days together, Dan still longs for him, Dan still kisses him like he was starved.  
(It's the same for Phil, too, though. He can't get enough of kissing Dan, of stroking him, of hearing his little hum.)

They interrupt the kiss to catch their breath. When their eyes meet, they both start giggling - it's a 'ugh, we're so sappy' giggle, a '- but we don't regret it' giggle. Small wrinkles form next to Dan's eyes, he looks genuinely happy - he's glowing, kind of. Glowing with happiness.  
He loves him so much.

Phil averts his gaze in order to calm down his heartbeat. They're caught between nature and civilisation, somehow - on one side, there's the sea; on the other side, houses, houses, houses, streets...  
Blackpool. The sensuous city.

Phil can't tell why those words suddenly appeared in his head. They're not exactly fitting - after all, he wouldn't consider Blackpool to be a city.  
Still, it's kind of appropriate - it captures the mood.

Sensuous...  
He looks at Dan again, at his subtle smile.  
His lover. His boyfriend. His best friend. During the course of the last few months, Dan's become so important to him - and it didn't happen by accident. It was meant to be. Because nobody else makes him feel that way - because he wants to be close to Dan, because he wants to kiss him, again and again, because he wants to hug him, because he can't wait to have sex with him again - and at the same time, he wants to talk to him, share his thoughts with him, wants to make him laugh, make him smile...

Phil strokes Dan's cheek with his thumb, he tries to convey his feelings, at least a tiny fraction, with a smile.  
(There's no place for big words right now.)

No time for big words. But it's time for less significant words.

"So... What do you think of Blackpool now?"

Dan rolls his eyes - the smile stays, though. Clearly, he thought about their first day here, too - when he sulked all the time because Blackpool wasn't as perfect as he wanted it to be.  
His answer is surprisingly honest.

"It's quite okay, I guess. But only thanks to you."

The sensuous city... Well, he won't get Dan to express something like that.  
But he doesn't need to. As long as he knows they both feel the same way...

~*~*~


	6. Thermoception

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What's a better date to return to this fic than the ten-year-anniversary of the Blackpool trip? ♥ Well, it isn't the anniversary yet - but today 10 years ago, their flight to Portugal and thus, their original holiday plan was cancelled.

Walking over the pier in broad daylight feels a bit strange. Just a few hours ago, they were down there, on the beach, all on their own - without the constant babbling of the other people. Just the sound of the waves crashing at the beach again and again and again and Dan's whispered 'I love you's...  
It's not terrible to be here. Of course, Phil preferred the empty beach, the empty roads, but...  
Dan is here. So it just can't be terrible. Walking next to him, bitching about the other people - it's quite nice, too.

(They can't walk arm in arm, they can't hold hands, they can't kiss whenever they feel like it, though. So...)  
(Well, they can't turn completely nocturnal, just roaming the streets when the sun sets and everyone returns to their homes. Okay, they could - but it would get boring after some time, admittedly. After all, the shops are closed in the nights, all the attractions, restaurants, the arcade...)  
(Luckily, they're partly nocturnal. This way, they can enjoy the best from both worlds.)

Okay, he really tried - but Phil just can't stay optimistic. Maybe it's because they didn't stay in bed long enough and he's still a bit tired, maybe it's because he misses being alone with Dan - he feels like nagging, he feels like complaining.

"I bet the sun is shining in Portugal again."

'Broad daylight' is an exaggeration, actually. Day - okay. But light? Well, they grey sky is kind of light, too. But damn, he wants sunshine. He wants to lie down on the beach, he wants to worry about getting sunburnt, he wants -  
(Well, he'd be content with Blackpool's beach, too - even with the lack of sunshine. If they were on their own again...)

Dan laughs, he shrugs off his complaints.

"As long as we can eat ice cream..."

Wow. He was the one to nag about Blackpool first. And now that Phil is discontent, it doesn't matter anymore?  
Phil considers pouting at Dan, letting him know that he expected more of him. But as he looks at him...

Damn. It's difficult to stay grumpy at this sight.

Dan is so beautiful. Well, Phil could witness him spending quite some time in the bathroom before they left the hotel but... It's not only because his hair is perfectly straight, not only because his clothes look good on him. His face is so pretty and...  
That's still not what caught him off guard. It's the way Dan looks at him. His soft smile hiding behind the ice cream cone...

Dan is actually happy right now. And -  
It's not only because of the ice cream. It's also because of him.

All of a sudden, Phil feels loved, so loved. Dan doesn't even have to say a single word, let alone 'I love you' - this time, Phil can sense it.  
And... He feels the same. Even though he's a bit grumpy today, he still loves Dan.

He's here with Dan. Dan loves him. It doesn't make his grumpiness disappear completely but...  
It still feels so good.

~*~*~


	7. Devotion

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh wow. I've had some difficulties posting new chapters in time before, but I didn't expect to put "pandemic" on the list of reasons.
> 
> Well, here it is, the final chapter! Aaand I do have something else in store \o/ There were other things that kept me from posting and one of them was a new fic I'm currently writing for the Reverse Big Bang. It will go online at the end of the month! \o/
> 
> I hope you're all doing okay - and I hope you'll enjoy the last chapter ♥

~*~*~

The last evening in Blackpool. The last stroll down the pier.

It's harder than Phil expected. After all, they'll be going home together - Dan is coming with him, they're going to spend the next days together before Dan has to go back to the South again.  
Still, it's different. Being on holiday with Dan was something other than Dan visiting him. They had such a good time at the sea, whether they were exploring Blackpool or spending most of the day in bed.

Soon, it's over. Tomorrow morning, they are going to take the train back to Manchester.

Dan feels the same. He was the first to voice his sorrow - and they both agreed that they won't miss Blackpool per se that much but... Their trip. Being away together, being at a new place...  
Well, at least they realized something else. They can go wherever they want to - it will always feel a bit like home when they're together.

"We'll go to Portugal soon."

Dan is right. This time, Phil is actually quite happy that they had to reschedule this flight - thus, he has something to look forward to, yet another holiday with Dan well in sight.

"Hopefully. Who knows which volcano will erupt this time."

Dan laughs, he bumps into him on purpose.

"If there's another volcanic outburst, I won't rest until I've clogged every single volcano on earth."  
"I'd help you."

They smile at each other and Phil's spirits actually lift a bit. Yes, their holiday may be over soon but his time with Dan isn't. It won't even be over when Dan leaves for London again, he realizes again in moments like this. Because he will come back again and again and again, because they can't be without each other for too long.

They're on their way to the Ferris wheel. Every single evening since they arrived here, it was part of their routine. Getting dinner, walking along the beach, taking a ride on the Ferris wheel.  
(After all, they need to reminisce about their first kiss over and over again.)  
This will be their last ride. At least here, in Blackpool.  
(Still hurts a bit.)

Phil looks around a bit, then - he spots something. Gumball machines, machines resembling gumball machines. Well, not even gumball machines - he has something else in mind. The machines he knows from his childhood, filled with chewing gum, yes, but also with different kinds of rubbish. Cheap shitty plastic stuff - and...  
An idea crosses his mind. It's stupid, it's hilarious, it might ruin the sentimentality of their last evening in Blackpool, but - He can't bother doubting it. Somehow, it's convincing.

He turns to Dan again.

"Could you go buy the tickets already? I need to -"

Well, what? He can't actually tell Dan what he's up to - he doesn't have a proper plan in mind but he already knows it's supposed to be a surprise. Luckily, Dan is happy with him nodding over to the other side of the pier. Whether he's guessed Phil wants to buy something or he thinks Phil needs a toilet break... He doesn't question it.

"Okay, sure. But hurry."

No problem. Not only because he doesn't want to make Dan wait - he's excited to follow through with his idea.  
Dan keeps on walking, he's heading for the pay booth. Alright - he doesn't look back, doesn't check where Phil is going so he can...  
Phil walks over to the gumball machines he just spotted. Oh, hopefully they've got what he's looking for... Otherwise, he needs to make up a backup plan right now.

No. No, he doesn't have to - he doesn't have to find some random food you can take on a Ferris wheel. One of the machines actually offers...  
Rings.

Phil fumbles around in his pockets until he catches all the loose coins. Let's see...  
A few moments later, he's holding one of the rings. It's like he remembered them - made of plastic that will probably break soon, a little flower made of rhinestones on top... It probably won't even fit Dan, but it's the thought that counts.  
Phil makes his way back to the Ferris wheel.

Dan is already waiting in front of it. Apparently, the wheel isn't that popular today - the queue is rather short. He looks at Phil, looks up and down, checks his hands but even though he can't detect something out of the ordinary, he doesn't ask. Just a short glance, a silent question, a silent 'what's up?' but as Phil doesn't answer, he simply shrugs and in the next moment, he seems to have forgotten about Phil's quest.

"Are you ready?"

Or has he? Maybe that's another try to find out about his little excursion... No, he's already accepted there's no need to talk about it, Phil can tell from his look. (Also - if Dan really wants to know something, he isn't that subtle.)

"Guess so. Do you have the tickets?"

Dan holds up two little pieces of paper. Yes, that's what he wanted to know - they can get in line now.  
Again, it doesn't take long until it's their turn. They enter the cabin, sit down next to each other, the operator closes their door... And a few seconds later, they're on their own.

On their own? Well, not really. This Ferris wheel is rather small. (Especially compared to the Manchester Wheel...) When you get on the wheel, you take several laps so you don't have to leave super soon again, but it also means you pass ground level several times. Takes away their privacy a bit...  
But they can talk to each other without anyone listening. Phil can put his arm around Dan's shoulder, Dan can place his hand on his thigh. Nobody will notice.

Phil waits a few moments until they are up high enough. Then... It's time for his idea.  
Dan doesn't notice yet. He looks at the sea, looks at the buildings that are becoming smaller and smaller with every second...  
He needs to get his attention first.

"Hey, babe."

Immediately, Dan turns his head, he smiles at him. (Using pet names is still so unfamiliar - for both of them. But seeing Dan's face light up with joy whenever he does... It's something he can get used to.)  
Okay. Next step. He reaches into his pocket, pushes aside the coins - he wanted to get to Dan as soon as possible so he didn't bother putting his money in his portemonnaie. Now, it makes finding the ring a bit more difficult...  
Luckily, not that much more difficult. Soon, his fingers touch the plastic and he can pull it out of his pocket.

Dan's reaction as he spots the ring... First, he's obviously confused. But then...  
He knows what's up. He sees a ring and - he understands.

As Phil lifts the ring so Dan can have a better look at it, he blushes. And his smile... It gets even broader.

Next step.

Phil clears his throat. Damn, he's excited... It's not a big deal, just a little gesture but nevertheless... Part of his idea was an epic ring delivery. But that's easier said than done.

"Normally, I'd kneel in front of you. That's a bit difficult right now, though."

The cabin is really small - also, there a plate in the middle. You can spin the cabin with it which is actually fun, but right now, it's in his way.  
Dan raises his hand, he places it over his mouth. Oh - so he could get even more surprised? Looks like he thought Phil was kidding him until right now.  
(No, he isn't. He doesn't plan to propose to Dan and he knows Dan knows that, too, but... He's not making fun of him, either.)

Phil gulps, his hand shakes a bit. Even if this isn't a proposal, it's difficult to find the best words.  
(Well, he'd be better prepared for a proposal.)

"Dan, I..."

They look at each other, waiting - waiting for Phil to continue speaking. Then -  
Dan lowers his hand. He takes Phil's hand instead, intertwining their fingers.  
That's the support he needs right now.

"I really enjoyed being here with you. And I... I realized I want more of this. Like..."

Phil takes another deep breath. Even though Dan is holding his hand, it's still not easy to put into words what he's feeling.

"This holiday was so amazing. Being with you every single day and night, being in a new place... It made me realize I really want to build a life with you."

There it is. This is what he meant to say - at least a part of what he meant to say.

"I'm looking so much forward to you moving to Manchester. When we finally don't need to take a three-and-a-half-hour train in order to see each other... It feels like things are falling into place. I need you close to me. And one day, I want us to move in together, in our own apartment, our own home."

Dan tightens his grip, he – it seems like he tries to hold back for a short moment but then he blurts it out.

“Me, too. I can't wait to live up North. I – I hope I won't annoy you but the possibility to just hop on a bus to see you...”  
“Let's see who'll get annoyed first.”

They grin at each other and – they're both so unbelievably excited, so giddy with excitement.  
(To be honest, Phil doesn't know how things will work out when Dan moves to Manchester in a few months – when he starts university there. It sounded like a reasonable solution for Dan to look for his own place first – to wait with getting a joint apartment right away. But they do everything to be together even now that it's so effortful – what will happen when they can 'just hop on a bus' to see each other? Phil can't imagine not hanging out with Dan all the time.)

Okay, back on topic.

“On this trip... I knew that what we had was something special before – I knew I loved you before. But on this trip... It felt even more like something permanent. This is just the beginning and – I'm looking forward so much to the future. To our future.”

There – this is it. The things he had on his mind – well, not exactly on his mind, rather on his heart. Otherwise, it would have been so much easier to talk about it. But he did it nevertheless.  
And that's the perfect moment to - 

He untwists their fingers, turns around Dan's hand so his palm faces upwards. Then, he places the ring on Dan's palm.

“I love you, Dan.”

Dan's hand closes around the ring, Phil instinctively places his fingers above Dan's. It feels like they're kind of protecting the ring... (A metaphor for their relationship?)  
Then, their eyes meet and – Phil can't even tell anymore how many laps the Ferris wheel did, it doesn't matter, he doesn't pay attention. All that matters is... Dan.

“I love you, too.”

In a few hours, they will be on their way back to Manchester. They will leave Blackpool behind, they probably won't return.  
But a part of Blackpool will stick with them. The memories will stick with them.  
And a few days later, Dan will place a little plastic ring with a flower made of rhinestones in his box with special memories.


End file.
